The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
