im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
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