New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
