I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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