It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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