Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
