are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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