dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
