so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
