Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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