They should really pass out barf bags in church
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
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