Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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