I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
