Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Quick, to the slutcave!
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Randomize
