Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
my being single is dangerous.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
