Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
