i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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