I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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