What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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