You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
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