Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
