Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
