im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
