the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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