It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
