I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
ugly people sure do ruin things
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
