Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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