Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Randomize