no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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