it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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