Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
