You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
