there's paper in my vomit.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
