Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Someone came in the potted fern
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
My bed smells like the plague
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
