btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
