i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Found the puke drawer
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
