Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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