all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Randomize
