so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize
