then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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