So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
The power of my boobs compel you
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
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