and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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