Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
and you fell through a lawn chair
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
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