I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
