it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I'm determined to sit on that face.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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