I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
