I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize