we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
He did a backflip because drugs
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