she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Randomize