Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
