You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
