"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
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