I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
