happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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