I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Randomize
