i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
