nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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