If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
