You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
