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The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
