My pussy is not your playground.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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