I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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