I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
