Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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