Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize