Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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