I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
