I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Randomize
