I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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