Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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