He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
