K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Randomize
