my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
