I like my sex mixed with concussions.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
