Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
