I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
