woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Welp...herpes.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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