New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
