I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
