How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Randomize
