Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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