he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Randomize
