Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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