I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize