If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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