I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
