The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
