A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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