This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Randomize
