if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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