not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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