I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
