im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Randomize
