It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
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