some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
sarcasm needs its own font
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
