Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Randomize
