this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Randomize
