my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
