I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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