it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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