That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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